History Essay Question Parody

Since the EOYs are mostly over, I decided to do something random, so I wrote a parody of a History Essay Question. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense, because it shouldn’t…

Q2. To what extent do you agree that Hitler’s suicide in 1945 the most important reason that the Titanic sank in 1912? Explain. [15]

Student’s answer:

In World War II, with Allied and Soviet troops moving towards Berlin and the German army defeated, Hitler commited suicide. This was a crucial event which led to the sinking of the Titanic.

Firstly, when Hitler commited suicide, Stalin was worried that after the Allies defeated the Germans, they would advance into the USSR next with the Titanic, an advanced battleship which was converted from a luxurious Olympic-class passenger liner, attacking from the Baltic Sea. Thus, he ordered the Soviet Army to use a technology which they had only recently perfected, time travel. Stalin sent the Russian Army back in time to sink the Titanic by placing a fake iceberg, which was in reality a block of titanium painted white, just in front of the Titanic, so that it would not have been converted into a battleship later. This resulted in the Titanic being sunk by an iceberg which normally would not have sunk Olympic-class passenger liners.

Secondly, Hitler’s suicide made the Germans so heartbroken that all of Germany cried in frustration, so this new influx of tears flooded the Rhineland and entered the ocean, thus increasing the salt content of the ocean drastically. This resulted in more icebergs being formed, as salt water freezes at a lower temperature than water, which made navigation for the captain very difficult, causing him to accidentally ram the Titanic in the fake Titanium iceberg which Stalin placed there, also resulting in the sinking of the Titanic.

However, though some scientists think that the increase in salinity of sea water causing icebergs to form would not have affected the Titanic as it was roughly 30 years later,  J. Robert Oppenheimer,  a biologist which headed the Manhattan Project which was devoted to investigating the sudden “Global Salting” of sea water which occured in 1945, discovered that the salinity of the sea water in 1912 was indeed the same as the salinity of the sea water in 1945, thus breaking the myth that  Global Salting was caused by excessive pollution .

Mark given: L3/8

Teachers comments: One-sided argument. Last paragraph incomprehensible. Conclusion?

~ by philocrazy on October 18, 2008.